10 Shadow Work Prompts For Self-Love and Self-Care
By Jennifer McDougall
The self-love movement has been growing like wildfire. It’s everywhere, from magazine covers to Instagram feeds. But it’s not just a trend; it’s something that we all need in our lives — especially if you want to be successful at work and in your relationships.
So how do you incorporate self-love into your life? Aside from being grateful when you wake up each morning or going on a solo vacation (which is always good for the soul), some exercises can help center yourself and bring back your confidence. So here are ten prompts to help you improve your relationship with yourself.
Why do I crave the approval of others?
When you crave the approval of others, you are trying to find your identity. You want to know who you are and where you fit in this world.
You may have been born into a family that was not supportive of your uniqueness or creativity. You might have grown up in an environment where it was difficult for anyone to stand out from the crowd. Or maybe there were few opportunities for self-expression at home or school growing up, so now, as an adult, you feel like no one understands who you are — and even if someone tried, they would only be disappointed when they discovered what makes me “me” is not something anyone else could understand or appreciate.
What am I most afraid of being judged for? Why do I want to be liked by people I don’t like?
This prompt is about your fears around judgment. Most of us have been hurt by the harsh judgments of others, which can make us want to avoid being judged in the future. We indeed live in a world where judgment is part of everyday life, but it doesn’t have to be something we allow to define or control our actions.
Your worth isn’t determined by what other people say about you; it’s not their job to judge you, and their opinions are not facts.
If someone tells you that they don’t like something about yourself (a haircut or a shirt), don’t take this as a reflection on who you are. These statements are just ways people express themselves without getting too personal or saying anything outright offensive; they’re harmless unless we choose them as insults rather than harmless critiques (which everyone receives). Of course, we want people to like us; that’s natural. But it's more important that you enjoy yourself.
What is my life’s purpose? How does my purpose manifest as a daily practice?
- What is your life’s purpose?
- How does your purpose manifest as a daily practice?
- What are some ways that you can make your purpose a daily practice?
- What do I want my legacy to be when I am gone?
- How can I use my skills and talents to make a difference?
What are three affirmations about myself that I can write down and repeat every day?
The best way to get started with affirmations is to write them down and repeat them daily. You must say your claims in the present tense, in a positive tone, and be as specific as possible.
Here are some examples of good affirmations for self-love:
“I am beautiful.”
“I am loved.”
“I am safe.”
“I am worthy of wonderful things.”
“I trust myself to make good decisions.”
Would I have made the same decisions if I knew then what I know now?
Would you have made the same decisions if you had known then what you know now? If yes, why? If not, why not? What would you do differently? What would you do the same? How can I change my habits today to be a better person? Start small and work your way up.
What would it look like if I truly loved myself?
- What would my relationships look like if I truly loved myself?
- What would my work look like if I truly loved myself?
- What would my leisure time look like if I truly loved myself?
- What boundaries do I need to set to protect myself from others’ unkindness and disrespect?
- What thoughts do I need to stop believing?
- What is my favorite thing about myself?
How can I be more compassionate towards myself without relying on external sources to validate me?
To be more compassionate towards yourself, you first need to acknowledge your feelings and recognize that they are valid. This can be difficult because we have been taught that certain emotions aren’t acceptable or should be ignored. In addition, we may have grown up in an environment where people who felt specific ways were judged, criticized, or bullied if they expressed themselves openly.
Self-compassion means accepting your feelings without judgment and acknowledging that it is okay to feel how you feel. It also means being kind toward yourself when times are challenging instead of being harsh with yourself or judging yourself for not having control over something. Finally, self-acceptance is another component of self-compassion; it means accepting where you are and not putting unnecessary pressure on yourself to change overnight.
Take a step back and look at what is bothering you. Write down the things that are causing you stress or anxiety. Then, take a moment to be with yourself. Breathe and acknowledge your feelings without judging them. Then, ask yourself, how can I change these thoughts and behaviors so that I don’t act this way in the future and feel more confident in my skin?
How would my life change if I stopped seeking validation from others?
You can stop trying to impress them or be someone who will make them like you. You don’t have to try being someone that others would love, and if others don’t love who you are, then maybe it’s time to reevaluate why they don’t love the natural person behind the mask. Do what makes you feel comfortable, happy, and confident. Embrace your true self. Wear clothes that express your style and make you feel good about yourself. Spend time with the people you love and want to be around, who lift you and positively influence your life. Pay close attention to how you feel after you spend time with people. If someone causes you to feel insecure or makes you feel bad about yourself, then it is okay to stop being around them. It is also okay to be alone and spend time with yourself.
If everything in my life was perfect, how would I act differently toward myself and those around me?
If everything in my life was perfect, how would I act differently toward myself and those around me?
This question is powerful because it forces you to think about what your life would look like if you had all the tools, resources, and support needed for success. In addition, it helps us notice things about ourselves that we might not have realized otherwise. For example, maybe you’re someone who always feels guilty when they don’t get enough sleep or exercise — but what if those were no longer an issue? What would change? How could you act differently towards yourself if these things weren’t holding you back anymore?
Start each day by writing down one thing that you are grateful for. It can be something you already have in your life or something you wish you had. Next, write down one thing you would like to be grateful for in the next 24 hours. Keep these lists where you can look at them often throughout the day. Finally, try to make a list of something you would be grateful for if you already had it.
Manifesting the life you want starts by believing you already have it. First, you must think and acknowledge that you deserve it. Then, you can start taking steps toward making it a reality. For example, if you want to create your own business, you must believe that you already have the skills, knowledge, and confidence needed to be successful.
What are you proud of accomplishing so far that might not seem significant to others? Recognizing your victories, no matter how small they may seem, will bring you a sense of pride and accomplishment.
- How do you show love and care for yourself? Do you treat yourself with the same kind of kindness as those around you? Self-care is essential for all aspects of life, it doesn’t matter if it’s physical or emotional.
- What self-care activities are essential for your mental health? Are there certain things that make your day easier because they help balance everything out? Which ones would benefit from more planning and investment during the week (or month)?
The only way to love another person is first to love yourself.
You can’t be genuinely open and available for a romantic relationship if you don’t already feel good about yourself. For example, suppose your self-esteem is low or nonexistent, and you regularly put others before yourself to get their approval and validation. In that case, that will show up in your relationships — a lack of confidence and an overabundance of neediness. And no one wants that! On the flip side, if you already have a strong sense of self-worth (and I recommend cultivating this), then having someone else come into your life won’t be such an ego threat — they’ll be one more source of joy for which we can all thank our lucky stars.
How you feel about yourself is often how you treat others. So when you treat yourself with love and respect, you will be more likely to treat others the same way, which will help you attract the love you want. Self-love is the greatest gift you can give yourself and those around you.
Conclusion
You may still struggle with your self-love journey, but the most important thing is to keep working. If you don’t love yourself, then how can anyone else? Self-care is a process, and sometimes it takes time before we feel comfortable enough in our skin to accept ourselves completely. You deserve love just as much as anyone else does, so if things are holding you back from feeling that way — negative thoughts or actions towards yourself — then you must find ways to address them head-on. It might seem daunting at first glance; however, with practice and patience (and some good ol’ positive thinking), these prompts will help get us closer to reaching those goals.
